Farmer Alarmer

Artist, author, illustrator and humorist Graham Clarke – also President of CPRE Kent – wrote this marvellous poem for our AGM. We hope you enjoy it!



Graham Clarke 2015

Put on me gaiters to plant me pertaters
Make sure me trousis is tied up with string
Soon there’ll be earlies, wait for the laters
Now that the Winter ‘as turned into Spring
Oh what a joy to hear me alarm
At five in the mornin’ to work on me farm

To see to me cows is just a sheer pleasure
And make sure me ‘orse ‘as plenty of oats
Slip in the slurry, just for good measure
And spill all the rubbish, meant for the goats

Dyin’ for breakfast then ‘ear a shout
Quick come ‘ere father, pigs have got out
Try to enjoy this nice drop of rain
Get meself dry, so it starts again
Four dozen other jobs fill up me day
While all this ‘ere rain jus’ ruins me ‘ay

Jump on me bike, fall off at the pub
Swig a quick pint then back ‘ome for grub
‘Ang up wet jacket an’ me wet’at
Just missed The Archers, well thank God for that

Shove cat off me chair, turn on the telly
Quickly nod off, with cat on me belly
Overdo me quick little snooze
Wake with jump, too late for the News
Daft TV quiz, to worry me ‘ead
Can’t answer a thing, so creep up to bed

Dream of a Bentley an’ luxury cruise
Get up in the night, trip over me shoes
Oh what a pleasure to work on me farm
An’ look forward again to that bloody alarm



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